Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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