I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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