Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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