He kissed a someone with a penis
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
