I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
