You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i think i just lost a toe
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
