I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
