just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
