I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
being pregnant is like rehab
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize