You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just googled if crying burns calories
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
