He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
