literally had 100 drinks last night.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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