were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Panties = found
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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