Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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