we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
