she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
