from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
