around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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