it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
