I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize