Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize