im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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