my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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