Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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