i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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