U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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