My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
