Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
