I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
