bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
