I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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