I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
