my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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