A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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