No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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