i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
