Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
