I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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