once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I looked at my own cervix.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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