I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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