yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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