Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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