State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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