"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
