I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
