ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
