Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
