I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
