Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
