Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Randomize
