i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
