I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
