there's paper in my vomit.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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