well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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