Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
