tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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