Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
