Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
