mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
they need to just BURY HIM!
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
