in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
