just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize