i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
