How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
