i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
