if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
