Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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