My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
