Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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