You're a womanizer and a bitch.
there's paper in my vomit.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
