I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Text me some of your sweat
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
