i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
