he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
