Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
