Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
