He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
