So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
