I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
