I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Randomize
