this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
