Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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