So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I am available for nakedness
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
