Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize