He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
