Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
