Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
