We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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