Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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