I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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