Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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