So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Hippo gnu deer
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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