is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
