im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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