i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
