OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Be still, my beating vagina.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
