I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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