i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
