so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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