Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
